Posted on 22/11/2016
The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead. The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some khakis that are hung out to dry, and puts on pants, a shirt, and a hat. He sits on a chair by the campfire and grabs a copy of the local paper, pretending to read, to hide his face. The lion enters the campsite and lets out a huge roar. He yells, "did anyone see a gorilla run through here?" The gorilla, in full disguise, calls out, "you mean the one that f*cked the lion up the a**?" The lion exclaims, "oh my god! It's in the paper already?"
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit
*** Animal Jokes ***
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other. One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each. Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet. Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle. Mr. Bear's final wish is that all the other bears in the world were female, leaving him the only male bear in the world. Mr. Rabbit revs the engine of his motorcycle and says, "I wish that Mr. Bear was g*y!" and rides off.
Eagle and mouse
An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse. Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?" "About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies. The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"
Rounds of Drinks
*** Animal Jokes ***
A man walks into a pub with an ostrich and a cat. He goes up the bar and says: "Beer for me, beer for the ostrich, whisky for the cat." The unlikely trio find a table, sit down and drink their drinks. Next, it's the ostrich's round. He walks up to the bar and says: "Beer for me, beer for the man, whisky for the cat." Then the ostrich takes the drinks back to the table and they drink them. When it comes to the cat's turn to buy a round, he simply tells his pals to "Sod off!" So the man goes back to the bar and asks for another two beers and a whisky. Impressed at his generosity, the barman says: "I notice that you and the ostrich have both bought a round but the cat hasn't. Why do you hang out with him?" The man replies: "I once helped a little old lady across the road, and she turned out to be my Fairy Godmother. She granted me one wish, which landed me with the cat and the ostrich forever." "What did you wish for?" enquires the barman. "A long-legged bird with a tight puss*.
A woman tells her priest, "Father, I have a problem. My two female parrots only say, Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?" do not worry," says the priest. "I have two male parrots who only pray and read the Bible. We'll put them in the same cage and your parrots are sure to stop saying that horrid phrase. The next day, the woman takes her parrots to the priest's home. The male parrots are inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. When the woman places the female parrots in the cage, they cry out, "Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?" One male says to the other, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!"