You were by my side
Husband woke up after surgery... He called his wife to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. Well, now that I think about it, I think you bring me bad luck!
2 Anniversary Gifts
Two best friends got married on the same date and...meet every year after their anniversaries at their favorite bar. One was fortunate to be really successful and the other lives a sort of mediocre life. They start discussing what they got their wife's for their anniversaries. The rich guy begins by discussing his gift. "Yea, I got my wife a diamond jewelry set...and a new Mercedes Benz" "Wow, 2 gifts this year!" the poorer friend responds. "Yea, I got her the Benz just in case she doesn't like the jewelry set, she can use the Benz to drive to the jewelry store and exchange it". "Sounds Reasonable." "What you get your wife?" "I got her a set of slippers and a dildo" " What's the deal with the dildo?" " Oh, I got her the dildo that way if she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself"
25 years ago
An old man and his old wife are in their honeymoon hotel room for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job.