Sex is bad, Sex is a sin, Sins are forgiven, So stick it in!
Life not a box of chocolates
Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.
Q: Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
A: Because they might peel!
Santa in Trouble!
Banta noticed that Santa was looking depressed, and asked what was wrong. "Well," said Santa, "I ran afoul of one of those awkward questions women ask. Now I'm in deep trouble at home." "What kind of question?" asked Banta. "My wife asked me if I would still love her when she gets old, fat and wrinkly." "That's easy," said Banta. "You just say 'Of course I will'." "Yeah," said Santa, "That's what I did, except I said 'Of course I DO...'"
Confucious say : world pass
“If you want to watch the world pass you by, try driving the speed limit."
Confucious say : civilization
"It Is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it."
Q: In a one-story pink house, there was a pink person, a pink cat, a pink fish, a pink computer, a pink chair, a pink table, a pink telephone, a pink shower – everything was pink! What color were the stairs?
A: There weren’t any stairs, it was a one story house!
Stevie Wonder doesn't read
Q: Why couldn't Stevie Wonder read?
A: Because he was black!
One day, Little Johnny's grandmother sent him to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and ran back to grandma's house as fast as he could. "Where's my bucket and my water?" She asked. "I can't get any water from that water hole, there's a mean ol' alligator down there!" "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for years, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
Do you have a band-aid, because I just scraped my knee falling in love with you.
Some of the greatest ideas of all time have come to people during Math class... none of which had anything to do with Math.