A Western expatriate teacher at an international school offers a cash reward to the child who can name the greatest man who ever lived. “Buddha?” says a Buddhist. “The prophet?” says a Muslim. “Jesus?” says a Hindu. The teacher hands the money to the Hindu, who says: “Thanks, Miss. Actually, the right answer is Krishna, but business is business.”
French legionaries hiking
Three French legionaries are hiking across the desert where they have been for several days. They are out of food and on their last ration of water. As they walk a bit further, the head legionary thinks he sees something up ahead and cries to the others ( in a French accent ), " look! It is a bacon tree! It is what we ' ave been waiting for! And sure enough, there seems to be a tree covered with streaky bacon. Of course the legionaries are delighted, so desperate that they don't even consider the possibility of it being a mirage. As they get closer, the head legionary says, " Stay ' ere. I will investigate ". So he approaches, but as he does so, two gunshots penetrate the deadly silence, seeming to com from the bacon tree, and strike down the legionary. The tree disappears. The other two rush to see if there is anything they can do, but it seems almost too late. " Sir!" they cry, "are you alright?" And the head legionary, before he dies, says, " Zat was not a bacon tree... zat was an ' ambush!"
Polish man wants Divorce
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, and they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: "Have you any grounds?" "Yes, an acre and half and nice little home." "No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It made of concrete." "I don’t think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?" "No, we have carport, and not need one." "I mean. What are your relations like?" "All my relations still in Poland." "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player." "Does your wife beat you up?" "No, I always up before her." "Is your wife a nagger?" "No, she white." "Why do you want this divorce?" "She going to kill me." "What makes you think that?" "I got proof." "What kind of proof?" "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom." "I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover.'"