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Little Johnny Jokes

150
  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    Need at home

    A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need at home? 1st kid says, "A computer." Teacher replies "That'd be very useful" 2nd kid says "A new lawn mower." Teacher replies with a similar response... Little Johnny pops up and says, "At my house we don"t need anything." The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something... Little Johnny replies, "Nope, i'm sure of it. Whenever my sister started going out with a NIGGER, I remember my dad saying, "Well, thats the last f*cking thing we need."

  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    Salesman

    A door-to-door salesman comes-a-knocking and 10-year-old Little Johnny answers, a beer in one hand and a lit cigar in the other. The salesman says, "Little boy, is your mommy home?" Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What the hell do you think?"

  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    Buying a horse

    Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."

  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    Mommy and Daddy

    Ten year old Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She says, "Put that away, Johnny. You can't have ice cream now. It's too close to supper time. Go outside and play." Johnny whimpers and says, "There's no one to play with." Trying to placate him, she says, "OK. I'll play with you. What do you want to play?" He says, "I wanna play Mommie and Daddy." Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she says, "Fine, I'll play. What do I do?" Johnny says, "You go up to the bedroom and lie down." Figuring that she can easily control the situation Mom goes upstairs. Johnny, feeling a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet. He dons his fathers old fishing hat. As he starts up the stairs he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the end table. He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth. At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway. His mother raises her head and says, "What do I do now?" In a gruff manner, Johnny says, "Get your fuckin' lazy ass downstairs and get that kid some ice cream!"

  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    White

    Little Johnny, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, “Mommy, why does the girl wear white?” His mom replies, “The bride is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life.” Little Johnny thinks about this, and then says, “Well then, why is the boy wearing black?”