Little Johnny Jokes150
Posted on 22/11/2016
A teacher is instructing her fourth grade class, and she's telling them that the word of the day is 'contagious.' She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several students raise their hands. "Carl," she says. Carl says, "My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps 'cause they're contagious." "Very good," says the teacher. Then she picks Suzie, who says, "The atmosphere was contagious." The teacher says, "Excellent, Suzie!" Then she notices that little Johnny has his hand up at the back of the class. "Yes, Johnny?" Johnny says, "The other day, me and my dad's a-sittin' around, and we saw our blonde neighbor painting her fence. She had a tiny little model car paintbrush, and she was going in tiny little strokes up and down the fence, and my dad says to me, 'Jesus, it's gonna take that cunt ages to finish that fence.'"
The English teacher makes a dot on the board and says, "This is a period as many of you may already know. Without it there would be total chaos in our day to day lives. Lemme give you an example…" She is interrupted by Johnny "She is absolutely right" "Thank you Johnny" the teacher smiles "I think you have a small example of your own" Johnny replies "Total havoc I say, my sister once she missed hers and my mom screamed, my dad had a heart attack, and the boy nextdoor killed himself."
First to heaven
One day Johnny's teacher asks the class at Sunday school, "Which part of the human body do you think goes to heaven first?" Suzi said, "Well, it's our hands. We do all the good things with our hand, so they are bound to go to heaven first." Teacher says, "very good. Anybody else?" Rocky says, "Well, it's our heart. We think all the good things with our heart, so it's bound to go to heaven first." Teacher says, "very good. Do you want to say something, Johnny?" Johnny says, "Our legs go to heaven first." Teacher, not getting any clue says, "How comes it, Johnny?" Johnny says, "Yesterday night, I was passing through my parent's room, and there was my mom, legs high in the air screaming "Oh God! Oh God! I am coming"
The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their mothers did for a living. One little girl said her mother was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer. When it was Little Johnny's turn, he stood up and said "My mom's a whore." Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. Then, 15 minutes later, he returned. So the teacher asked "Did you tell the principal what you said in class?" Johnny said "Yes" "Well, what did the principal say?" "He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me an apple and asked for my phone number."