Posted on 22/11/2016
Disturbance at the Door
A man is getting into a nice warm bath to relax. Once he is situated he hears the doorbell ring. He is mad but he gets up and dries off. As he is walking to the door he falls to the ground hurting his back. When he finally gets to the door the person at the door says "Oh, sorry. I think I'm at the wrong house." The man is angry so he yells "Are you serious?" The person at the door replies "Chill out man, you need to take a hot bath or something."
Two eggs boiling in a pan. One says, "I've got a huge crack." The other replies, "Stop teasing me, I'm not f*cking hard yet."
A man is jogging down the road and he sees a boy eating a candy bar with a ton of wrappers sitting next to him. The man tells him "Kid, it isn't good for you to sit there all day eating candy bars." The kid scowls at him and says "Hey mister, my grandpa is 98 years old and still walking around." The jogger asks him "And he sits around eating candy all day?" The boy replies "No, but he minds his own business."
Triplets in a womb
Triplets in a womb discussing what they would be if they were grown up. The first said, " I would be a plumber, so as I can fix the pipes in here, its a bit damp and leaky". The second said, " I would be an electrician and try and get a bit of light in here, its a bit dark". The third said, " I would be a doorman. "The other two babies thought this was hilarious and asked, "why?" He replied, "I'd stop the bald headed bastard from coming in here and spitting."
Barefoot man on electric fence
Q: What did the barefoot man get when he stepped onto the electric fence? A: A pair of shocks!