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Profession Jokes

294
  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    Farmer and the Cow

    A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed. His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking. As soon as the bucket was fill the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left to a pole.I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right to a pole too. As soon as I finished milkin'' him again he knocked down the bucket with his with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt. As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain!

  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    Einstein's Roommates

    Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. “I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it’s the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others” he is told by the doorman. Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants. “See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!” "That’s wonderful!” says Albert. “We can discuss mathematics!" "And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!" "That’s wonderful!” says Albert. “We can discuss physics!" "And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!" "That’s wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!" Just then another man moves out to capture Albert’s hand and shake it. “I’m your last room mate and I’m sorry, but my IQ is only 80.” Albert smiles back at him and says, “So, where do you think interest rates are headed?”

  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    Career choice

    "What do you want to be when you grow up?" "A doctor." "And why's that?" "Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill."

  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    Bomb Scare

    A statistician is going through security in an airport. They discover a bomb in his luggage. When they ask him about it he says "The chances a bomb are on a plane is 1/10000, but the chances that two are on the plane is 1/100000000. Just trying to be safe."

  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    F1

    Once upon a time, a computer programmer drowned at sea. Many were on the beach and heard him cry out, “F1! F1!”, but no one understood.