unclejokes jumbotron image

Christian Jokes

66
  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    Silver ladle

    An elderly priest invited a young priest over for dinner. During the meal, the young priest couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was. Over the course of the evening, he started to wonder if there was more between the elderly priest and the housekeeper than met the eye. Reading the young priest's thoughts, the elder priest volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional. About a week later the housekeeper went to the elderly priest and said, "Father, ever since the young Father came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do you?" The priest said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write him a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote, "Dear Father, I'm not saying that you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But fact remains that one has been missing ever since your visit." Several days later, the elderly priest received a letter from the young priest which read, "Dear Father, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your housekeeper, and I'm not saying you 'do not' sleep with your housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in your own bed, you would have found the gravy ladle by now."

  • loading...
  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    The fallen

    *** Christian Jokes ***

    There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "if I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen". This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, Your wife fell three times this week."

  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    Cold Night

    A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed, so they decide to spend the night in a hotel. The only hotel in the town has only one room available. Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the lounge and you have the bed. Nun: I think that would be okay. They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later... Nun: Father, I'm terribly cold. Priest: Okay, I'll get you a blanket. (He does) Ten minutes later... Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold. Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get you another blanket. (He does) Ten minutes later... Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night. Priest: You're probably right...get up and get your own blanket.

  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    Confession

    *** Christian Jokes ***

    In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the minister. The minister asked the janitor, "Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me? I really have to go to the bathroom and the Widow McGee is coming. She tends to go on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she's done just give her 10 Hail Mary's and I'll be right back." Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed. Just as expected the Widow McGee came into the booth and started her confession. "Oh Father, I fear I have done the unforgivable. I have given into carnal thoughts and have had oral sex." Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle this situation. Surely 10 Hail Mary's would not do. So, in a moment of desperation the janitor peered his head out of the confessional and asked an altar boy, "Son, what does the minister give for oral sex?" In reply the altar boy said, "Two Snickers bars and a Coke."

  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    Baptism

    Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?" "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made all the appetisers herself and we have a caterer coming in to provide plenty of sandwiches and cakes for all of our guests." "I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you properly prepared spiritually?" "Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."