unclejokes jumbotron image

Fart Jokes

55
  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    Just a thought - Home Alone

    If you were home alone, and you heard a fart, would you be scared or laugh?

    Other Tags:

    Fart

  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    Fine

    A bloke is taking a piss down a lane when a policeman spots him. "Oi you chap, you cant do that here!!! It'll cost you a 45 dollar fine." The bloke gives him a 50 dollar note and the Cop says: "But I haven't any change" "No worries, you can keep it," says the bloke..."cos I dropped a couple of farts as well...."

    Other Tags:

    Fart

  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    Balloon

    Little Johnny blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but he continues. "Johnny!" Mom screams. "Knock it off. You're going to break something." He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center. Little Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for the store. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it. Mom comes in and while putting away the groceries gets a diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes. When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything. When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc. "Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks. He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever actually seen a fart !"

  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    69 पोजीशन

    एक लड़की 69 पोजीशन के लिए बहुत क्रेज़ी थी। उसका एक बॉयफ्रेंड भी था पर उन्होंने कभी 69 पोजीशन में कभी मजे नहीं किये थे। एक दिन उसने अपने बॉयफ्रेंड को अपने घर में रोमांटिक डिनर के लिए बुलाया। डिनर के बाद उसने बॉयफ्रेंड से बोला "I want to do '69'." लेकिन बॉयफ्रेंड को 69 के बारे में कोई आईडिया नहीं था। लड़की बोली "चलो में सिखा देती हूँ।" लड़की ने उसे सीधे लिटाया उसके बाद खुद उसके ऊपर उलटी साइड से लेट गयी जैसा की 69 में करते हैं। बॉयफ्रेंड कंफ्यूज हो गया पर वो 69 के बारे में जानना चाहता था इसलिए लेटा रहा। दोनों करीबन 2 मिनट वैसे ही लेटे रहे। लड़की सोचती रही कि लड़का कुछ करेगा और बहुत उत्तेजित हो गयी पर तभी अचानक लड़की को 'पाद' आ गया और रोके न रुका और वो भी लड़के के मुँह के ठीक सामने। लड़की ने सॉरी बोला और कहा कुछ देर और वैसे ही लेटे रहो। करीबन 1 मिनट बाद उसने फिर सेे 'पाद' दिया। इस बार पहले से भी जोर से और ज्यादा बदबूदार। लड़के के फण्डे तुरंत साफ़ हो गए उसने लड़की को अपने ऊपर से लगभग फेंकते हुए बोला, "भैण की लौडी अगर तू सोचती है कि मैं ये 67 बार और झेलने वाला हूँ तो तू बहुत गलत सोच रही है।"

  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    Different position

    HUSBAND: Shall we try a different position tonight? WIFE: That's a great idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.