One day a man went to the doctor and said to him "I have a problem " and the doctor said "well what is it my dear boy”. " I have a problem with farting i have farted at least 20 times since i have been in your office but the are silent and don't smell what can i do about this problem of mine" the doctor came up with this " right my dear boy take these tablets and come back in 1 week ". So the week "Doctor i don't know what the hell you gave me but when i fart it is still silent but it stinks terribly" and the doctor said " well now that we have cleared up your sinuses we can next work on your hearing".....
Fart in Bed
I silently farted in bed last night and slowly lifted up the quilt. After a few seconds my wife said, "Fucking hell Dave, that stinks!" It must've been pretty awful, she was downstairs at the time.
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit blitzed, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him. The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him midnight. He didn't seem disturbed at all. (Whew! Got away with that one!). Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "Oh, crap," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted."