Lucky on the Plane
A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "So where are you flying to today?" She turns and smiles and says, "To the annual Nymphomaniac Convention, in Chicago." He swallows hard and is instantly CRAZED with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting RIGHT next to him, and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "And what's your role at this convention?" She flips her hair back, turns to him, locks onto his eyes and says, "Well, I try to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." "Really," he says, swallowing hard. "And what myths are those?" She explains, "Well, one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess this trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchman are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who romance women best, on average." "How very interesting," the man responds. Suddenly the woman becomes very embarrassed and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says. "I feel so awkward discussing this with you and I don't even know your name." The man extends his hand and replies, "Tonto. Tonto Goldstein."
*** Jew Jokes ***
One day a nun was standing on the side of the road waiting for a cab. A cab stopped and picked her up. During the ride she noticed that the driver was staring at her. When she asked him why, he said, "I want to ask you something, but I don't want to offend you." She said, "You can't offend me. I have been a nun long enough that I have heard just about everything." The cab driver then said, "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun give me a blow job." She said, "Well, perhaps we can work something out under two conditions.You have to be single, and you have to be Catholic." Immediately the cab driver said, "Oh, yes!I'm single and I'm Catholic!" The nun said, "Okay, pull into that alley." The cab driver pulled into the alley and the nun went to work. Shortly afterwards, the cab driver started crying. The nun said, "My child, what's the matter?" He said tearfully, "Sister, I have sinned. I lied, I lied...I'm married and I'm Jewish!" The nun replied, "That's okay. My name's Bruce and I'm on my way to a costume party!"
Jew and Chinese brawl
I was sitting in a bar one time and I saw a Jewish man walk in and sit down to have a drink. After a few drinks a Chinese man came in and sat next to him. The Jewish man immediately turned and punched the other man in the face. The Chinese man shouted, " You fool! What was that for? The Jewish man replied, " That's for Pearl Harbor. " Chinese man said, "You idiot, I am Chinese not Japanese!" Jewish man replied, " Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" The Chinese man proceeded to punch the Jewish man in the face. The Jewish man clutched his jaw and said angrily, " Owww, why did you do that?! The Chinese man replied, "That's for the Titanic." Jewish man said, " But an iceberg caused it to sink, not me! The Chinese man smiled and said, " Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference!