Lawyer Jokes

72
  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    2+2

    A lawyer, an engineer and a mathematician were called in for a test. The engineer went in first and was asked, "What is 2+2?" The engineer thought awhile and finally answered, "4." Then the mathemetician was called in and was asked the same question. With little thought he replied, "4.0" Then the lawyer was called in, and was asked the same question. The lawyer answered even quicker than the mathematician, "What do you want it to be?"



  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    Prostitute vs Lawyer

    *** Lawyer Jokes ***

    Q. How are a lawyer and a prostitute different? A. The prostitute stops fucking you after you're dead.



  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    Wealthy Lawyer

    A very wealthy lawyer in a small town is notorious for never giving money to any charity that comes his way. The local animal shelter knows he has a dog and they think that this could be their way into his wallet. They go to his door and he answers, "What do you want?"One of the ladies replies, "Hello Mr. Smith. We know you are very wealthy and we know you also never give to charity. Wouldn't you enjoy giving back to an organization that helps dogs much like your own?" The lawyer looks her dead in the eye and replies, "Do you also know that both of my parents are suffering life-threatening illnesses and have medical bills several times their own income?" The lady, taken back, replies, "Well.. No... I thought..." He interrupts her, "Did you also know my sister's husband left her and their two kids without a penny?" Still stuttering she replies, "Um... Oh my...." "And my brother lost his legs in the war," The lawyer continues. At this point the people from the shelter are dumbstruck and aren't saying a word. Then he finishes, "If they don't get a cent, do you expect to?"

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  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    Drowing Lawyer

    *** Lawyer Jokes ***

    Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
    A: Shoot him before he hits the water.



  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    The 10 year case

    A prominent lawyer's son dreamed of following in his father's footsteps. After graduating from college and law school with honors, he returned home to join his father's firm, intent on proving himself to be a skilled and worthy attorney. At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office, and said, "Father, father! The Smith case, that you always said would go on forever -- the one you have been toiling on for ten years -- in one single day, I settled that case and saved the client a fortune!" His father frowned as he looked at his son, "I did not say that it would go on forever, son. I said that it could go on forever. "

    Related:

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