A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?” “Do you have any proof he owes you the money?” asked the lawyer. “Nope,” replied the man. “OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owed you,” said the lawyer. “But it’s only $500,” replied the man. “Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!”
Lawyer was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense.
“You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?”
The client replied that he did. The lawyer then asked, “Do you know what will happen if you don’t tell the truth?”
The client looked back and said, “I imagine that our side will win.”
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. “My name is Billy. What’s yours?” asked the first boy.
“Tommy,” replied the second.
“My Daddy’s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?” asked Billy.
Tommy replied, “My Daddy’s a lawyer.”
“Honest?” asked Billy.
“No, just the regular kind”, replied Tommy.
Q: What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A: A father in law