Walks Into A Bar Jokes

56
  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    Mixed Signals

    A man walks into a bar. The bartender says to the guy, "What can I get you?" "Make it a whiskey," says the man who promptly throws it down in one gulp. "That will be three dollars," says the bartender. "Screw you!" says the man. "You offered to get me something. I thought you were paying." "Get out," says the bartender. "You're banned. I don't need your crap." Two years later, the same man walks into same bar with the same bartender. The bartender looks at him and says, "You're the a**hole who tried to con a drink out of me, aren't you?" "Excuse me, but I have no idea what you are talking about," says the customer. "I've never been to this bar before in my life!" "Sorry. My mistake," says the bartender. "You must have a double." "Hey thanks, dude!" says the customer. "Make it whiskey."



  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    Alien in a bar

    *** Walks Into A Bar Jokes ***

    An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a drunk guy and begins poking him in the shoulder. The drunk guy just ignores him. After a wile the guy turns to the alien and begins looking him up and down. He notices that the alien has no genitalia. He then asks "You guys have no genitalia, how do you guy have sex?" The alien, still poking him in the arm, just smiles!



  • Posted on 22/11/2016

    Fight with a woman

    Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, " Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had a fight with the little woman. "Oh yeah,” said Eddie. "And how did this one end?” "When it was over,” Harvey replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees.” "Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?” She said, ' Come out from under that bed, you gutless weasel!”



  • Posted on 21/02/2017

    Nigger in a bar

    *** Walks Into A Bar Jokes ***

    Chinese guy walks into a bar. Black bartender. Chinese guy says, "Give me a jigger, nigger." Black bartender says, "Yo, man, that's not cool. You can't come in here and say that to me." The Chinese guy just smiles from ear to ear. "Give me a jigger, nigger." The black bartender says, "How would you like it if you were behind the bar and I came up and said something like that to you?" The Chinese guy shrugs, "I don't care." So the Chinese guy gets behind the bar, the black bartender goes outside, walks in and says, "Give me a drink, chink!" The Chinese guy says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve niggers in here."



  • Posted on 16/11/2017

    Already Drunk

    A drunk guy stumbles into a bar.
    The bartender says, "Sorry pal, you're already drunk, I can't serve you alcohol."
    The drunk slurs, "Ssssall right. I just wondered, you got any toothpicks?"
    The bartender decides to give the guy some toothpicks and the drunk thanks him and leaves.
    A minute later, another drunk guy stumbles into the bar. The bartender says, "Sorry man, you're already pretty well toasted. I'm afraid I can't serve you."
    The drunk says, "It's okay, may I have some toothpicks?"
    The bartender gives the guy half a dozen toothpicks and the drunk thanks him and leaves.
    A few minutes later, a third drunk stumbles into the bar.
    The bartender goes, "Sorry mate, you're too drunk for me to serve you."
    The drunk goes, "That's all right, I just want a straw."
    The bartender gives the guy a straw and as the drunk is turning to leave, asks him, "Hey, buddy, two other guys just came in asking for toothpicks, and you just came in for a straw. What's going on?"
    The drunk responds, "Oh, someone was sick outside, but all the chunky bits are gone now."