Take The Soup
Santa was in the hospital for a complete check-up. At 11:00AM, they brought him soup for lunch. He refused it. At 2 PM, they again tried to serve him some soup, which he refused. Again, at 5 PM and 7 PM, they tried, and both times Santa turned down the soup, so they gave up. In preparation for the next day's test, they entered his room at 3 AM, 4 AM, and 6 AM and gave him an enema each time. When Santa got home from the hospital after the tests, he told his wife, Jeeto, "Whatever you do, if you go to that hospital and they try to serve you soup, take it! If you refuse it, they sneak in while you're asleep and shove it up your @ss!
M sends James Bond on a secret mission to heaven. When M doesn’t hear from Bond for over a day, he gets worried and calls up heaven. The Virgin Mary picks up the phone and says “Virgin Mary speaking.” M asks her if Bond has reached there yet. She replies that he hasn’t. M waits another few hours and calls heaven back again. “Virgin Mary speaking,” comes the response. “Is James there yet?” asks M. Again the answer is no. M is really worried by this time but he waits for a few more hours and then calls heaven back again. “Hello, Mary speaking…”