A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor, and it's inoperable - in fact, it's so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choice of available brains - there's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the princely sum of $800 an ounce. The outraged lawyer says, "This is a ripoff - how come the lawyer brains are so damned expensive?" The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?"
Daal Ki Baat
Wife: Mehmaan Aa Rahe Hain Aur Ghar Main Daal Ke Siva Kuchh Bhi Nahi.
Husband: Jab Woh Aaye Toh Kitchen Mein Ek Bartan Gira Dena, Aur Jab Main Puchchu Toh Kehna Ki KORMA Gir Gaya... Phir Dusra Bartan Girana, Aur Kehna Biryani Gir Gayi... Phir Main Kahunga Chalo Daal Hi Le Aao... Mehmano Ke Aane Ke Baad Bartan Girne Ki Awaaz Aayi.....
Husband: Kya Hua...??? Wife: Bhangra Paa Le Kanjraaa... Daal Hi Gir Gayi...
A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in whiskey curled up and died. "All right, son." asked the father, "what does that show you?" "Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."
Where is God
Two brothers, Timmy and Tommy, are very mischievous so they are sent to a religious reform school. Almost immediately Timmy gets in trouble and is sent to the principle's office. The large principle looks at Timmy and asks "Do you know where God is?" Timmy's eyes get large but he doesn't say a word. The principle asks again louder "Do you know where God is?!" Timmy suddenly runs out of the room screaming. Tommy discovers his brother crying in the corner of their room and asks him "What's wrong?" Timmy responds "They don't know where God is and they think I took him!"