Husband and Wife in Court Discussion. The Problem: Who should get Custody of the Child? Wife jumped up and said, "Your Honour I brought the child into this world with Pain and Labour, so it should be in My Custody." The Judge turns to Husband and says, "What do You have to say in your defence?" The Husband sits for a while contemplating then slowly says, "Your Honour. If I put a dollar in a Vending Machine and a Pepsi comes out, whose Pepsi is it? The Machine's or Mine?" Yeh sunke Wife replied, "Judge Sahab... Bartan Mera... Doodh bhi mera... aur usme dahi jamane ke liye 2 boond daalne se dahi ban jaye toh phir wo dahi kiske? Mera ya 2 boond daalne wale ka?" Husband replied, "Typewriter mein kagaz maine daala, keys daba-daba kar mehnat maine ki, phir chithi kiski? Typewriter ki ya Meri?" Frustrated Judge, gusse mein, "Abey saale agar tu chithi haath se hi likh leta toh ye noubat hi na aati.
*** Sick Jokes ***
A drunk guy stumbles into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry pal, you're already drunk, I can't serve you alcohol."
The drunk slurs, "Ssssall right. I just wondered, you got any toothpicks?"
The bartender decides to give the guy some toothpicks and the drunk thanks him and leaves.
A minute later, another drunk guy stumbles into the bar. The bartender says, "Sorry man, you're already pretty well toasted. I'm afraid I can't serve you."
The drunk says, "It's okay, may I have some toothpicks?"
The bartender gives the guy half a dozen toothpicks and the drunk thanks him and leaves.
A few minutes later, a third drunk stumbles into the bar.
The bartender goes, "Sorry mate, you're too drunk for me to serve you."
The drunk goes, "That's all right, I just want a straw."
The bartender gives the guy a straw and as the drunk is turning to leave, asks him, "Hey, buddy, two other guys just came in asking for toothpicks, and you just came in for a straw. What's going on?"
The drunk responds, "Oh, someone was sick outside, but all the chunky bits are gone now."