Posted on 22/11/2016
A farmer walks into his bedroom carrying a lamb under his arm. He walks over to his wife who's laying in bed. "See!" he yells, "This is the pig I have to have sex with whenever you get one of your headaches!" The wife says, "You know that's a lamb under your arm, don't you?" The farmer says, "I wasn't talking to you."
A drunk guy stumbles into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry pal, you're already drunk, I can't serve you alcohol."
The drunk slurs, "Ssssall right. I just wondered, you got any toothpicks?"
The bartender decides to give the guy some toothpicks and the drunk thanks him and leaves.
A minute later, another drunk guy stumbles into the bar. The bartender says, "Sorry man, you're already pretty well toasted. I'm afraid I can't serve you."
The drunk says, "It's okay, may I have some toothpicks?"
The bartender gives the guy half a dozen toothpicks and the drunk thanks him and leaves.
A few minutes later, a third drunk stumbles into the bar.
The bartender goes, "Sorry mate, you're too drunk for me to serve you."
The drunk goes, "That's all right, I just want a straw."
The bartender gives the guy a straw and as the drunk is turning to leave, asks him, "Hey, buddy, two other guys just came in asking for toothpicks, and you just came in for a straw. What's going on?"
The drunk responds, "Oh, someone was sick outside, but all the chunky bits are gone now."
*** Sick Jokes ***
The Teacher: Condom Ke Istemal Se Koi Problem Nahin Hota. Is se Aap Safe Bhi Rahte Hain Aur Sex Ke Anand Mein Bhi Koi Phark Nahin Padta. Any Doubt Ya Question? A Girl: Sir... Kya Sap Polethene Ke Andar Rakhe Gulab Jamun Ko Chus Kar Uski Mithaas Feel Kar Payenge?
Q. How would a blonde punctuate the following: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry" A. Fun period fun period fun no period worry worry worry....